For the next couple of months, people will opt for cuffing or returning to their exes. But, the part that hurts for most of my clients is that the very thing they were trying to avoid-heartache and loneliness-is what inevitably happens. Love is the hardest decision we ever make in life. What other decision takes decades to get right? And at what cost? Is it your sanity? Is it your money that you regret spending? It’s not just money, it’s years of your life. I’ve put together this quick guide to help you save money and years of your life. Let’s do the math together.
Women: Appearance (clothing, shoes, makeup, creams, underwear, grooming, etc) Calculate each application and each purchase for each date.
Men: Appearance (clothing, shoes, creams, underwear, grooming, dry cleaning, etc) Calculate each application and each purchase for each date.
Actual meet up/date costs. This can range from $5 to $100 depending on where you go, what city you live in and what you’re doing. Calculate each date and multiply that by your dating life cycle.
Length of time during break up. Each year of you not being in the market has a cost to your age. Take away those years lost.
Credit: Pixababy
Love takes decades to get right. Factor in 10 years to perfect this decision-making ability.
Women: Take away five years of your reproductive life cycle.
Men: Take away five years to rebuild yourself financially.
Factor in past relationship failures and multiply that by three. On average we don’t break out of patterns and cycles till we are faced with the pattern repeatedly. Generally, three times a charm.
Now factor all of this in over your dating life cycle. What is your total?
The Science of Happiness: Your Happiness Hypothesis Method.
Happiness is both a state of being and a condition you can create. Did you know that 40% of your happiness is determined by your thoughts, behaviors and actions? Only 10% is determined by circumstances you deal with in life. How you react to circumstances is what creates happiness. Your emotional default mode can be positive or negative, but that determines your outlook and how you’ll react to your life circumstances.
Happiness has a neurochemical process that can be used to create that state as part of how you approach life. Endorphin and serotonin levels are the two receptors responsible for regulating mood and happiness. The best ways to enhance these levels are by making it a practice to consciously focusing on positive outcomes.
Focus on the optimal rather than the suboptimal.
By examining our own logic and making it daily practice to use positive thinking, it rewrites our chemistry and our ability to create happiness as your emotional default mode. Finding love is the hardest decision we ever make in life. It’s one of the only decisions that takes decades to get right. What makes it take that long is our own faulty logic in who we choose and what we think we want versus need.
I designed the Your Happiness Hypothesis method based on cognitive re-shifting techniques to improve people’s outlook of themselves and their outcomes. Your Happiness Hypothesis helps you have relationship success in your life in a few weeks. Currently, I only offer the service in three targeted areas:
Finding The Right One
Whether you tired of online dating, burnt out, or sick of finding suboptimal partners, The Finding the Right One program is designed to help you find the relationship you deserve. Using a unique method I developed, Your Happiness Hypothesis, we will help you narrow down on what you want versus what you need and provide you with strategies that gets you dating optimally. This approach is rooted in self-awareness and challenges many of the traditional rules you’ve learned and applied. Together, we disrupt these rules with my simple steps and create a unique approach that saves you heartache, frustration and time.
Breakup Recovery
The Breakup Recovery program is a program designed to help you heal from the breakup and find the relationship you deserve. In this program, we explore your dating patterns, review your relationship history, provide you with an action plan that helps you heal with dignity and avoid repeating patterns that hurt you in the past. This approach is intense with many of my clients report having breakthroughs in 24 hours.
Dating Challenges-Bad Partner Behavior
Are you sick of being ghosted, breadcrumbed, benched or other ridiculous bad partner behavior? Using a unique method I developed, Your Happiness Hypothesis, we will help you recognize other people’s suboptimal patterns, develop strategies that help you avoid these patterns, and create an action plan to help you find the relationship you deserve. This approach is designed to help you detect someone else’s bs 100% of the time and prevent it in the future.
Are you interested in creating Your Happiness Hypothesis in your life?
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Finding love is the hardest decision we ever make in life. What other decision takes decades to get right?
“Isn’t it ironic that our highly connected world makes it harder to be connected?” This is probably the #1 complaint I hear in practice. We are trying to find love, get over a break-up or understand why we get ghosted in a world that seems to have so much abundance. Yet, so many tell me they are lonely and want to find just one decent person.
The main reason is simple, but love is complex. It is the hardest decision we ever make in life. What other decision takes decades to get right? Dating apps are creating a paradox effect. They are giving off the illusion of many choices while making it harder to find viable options. Apps have become the new bar, but sometimes we unknowingly walk into a frat party; a drunk feast; 2 a.m. stragglers; or a concubine expecting to find decent people. This is not just disempowering, it erodes your self-esteem and alters your decision-making ability. The end result is not making you pickier, it’s making you choose based on lowered expectations.
We’re treating people like we do our social media streams. The shiniest object is what we stop at, then move onto the next shiny object. Are we creating a false reality? What is it doing to our sense of self? Are we becoming more narcissistic? Are we becoming more insecure? Has this behavior become normative? Is technology driving dating, sex and emotion? Are dating patterns just an extension of how we behave on social networks? We’re overlooking good candidates for those that photo filter better. You aren’t in the market for best camera skills, you’re searching for someone that can life co-create with you.
Social media has been linked to higher levels of loneliness, envy, anxiety, depression, narcissism and decreased social skills. As a Behavioral Scientist, I wonder what causes this paradox? The narratives we share and portray on social media are all positive and celebratory. It’s a hybridized digital version of “Keeping up with the Joneses”. Meaning for some, sometimes it appears everyone you know are in great relationships, taking 5-star vacations and living your dream life.
Credit: Unsplash
However, what is shared only broadcasts the positive aspects of our lives-the highlight reels.
Since we’re only getting people’s highlight reels and comparing it to ourselves, it is natural to have reactions to what we’re watching. How does this impact relationships, dating, and our love lives? I conducted in-depth interviews with men and women, ranging from ages 28-73, that are active social media users and found that:
60% of people using social media reported that it has impacted their self-esteem in a negative way
50% reported social media having negative effects on their relationship
80% reported that is easier to deceive others through their social posting
Paradox Effect
It seems that social media is creating a paradox effect: giving off the illusion of many choices while making it harder to find viable options. Can it be that our highly connected world has now become disconnected? Posting dinners, selfies and vacay photos over human interaction for some is interaction. That IS their interaction. The paradox effect in dating is creating the illusion of having more social engagement, social capital, and popularity, but masking one’s true persona. Since some are interfacing digitally more than physically it is much easier to emotionally manipulate others because they are reliant on what I call “Vanity Validation”. The one you portray on your networks and the true you, for some, creates a double consciousness. Your lauded self on social media is constantly seeking more validation through electronic likes, not life.
Vanity Validation
In the latest Match Singles in America study’s findings on how social media has impacted people’s dating lives, they found that 57% of singles say social media has generated a Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). In my study, 50% reported feeling FOMO when comparing themselves to others on social media, while 60% of millennials reported feeling FOMO. Are we comparing ourselves to other people’s highlight reels? Are we creating a false reality? It seems that we’re only willing to share things that get positive reinforcement. If we’re living through only focusing on the highlight reels, how do we express the negative side of our lives?
If you’re comparing yourself to someone else’s profile, aren’t you discounting yourself? Anything that we share on our streams are things that we’re either excited about or creating some popularity for yourself. Are we supposed to applaud that you eat? Are we supposed to applaud that you are out? Are we supposed to applaud the 100th seflie you took while you were out? Are we beginning to learn to relate to people for immediate gratification only?
Won’t this impact our dating behaviors? If we only broadcast the “look at me”, are we able to deal with the side of rejection, detachment, and non-commitment? Are you surprised when people blow you off or lead you on aka ghost, bench, gaslight or breadcrumb? Yet another paradox. Here we are thinking the world is a positive and reinforcing place, that we are interesting, we’re so popular; then we get ghosted, breadcrumbed, benched.
